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HAMLET:
To be or not to be- that is the question
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous fortune,
Or to take arms against a sea of troubles,
And by opposing end them? To die: to sleep;
To sleep: perchance to dream: ay, there's the rub;
For in that sleep of death what dreams may come
When we have shuffled off this mortal coil,
Must give us pause:
Friends, Romans, countrymen, lend me your ears;
Now is the winter of our discontent
Made glorious summer by this sun of York,
And all the clouds that lour'd upon our house
In the deep bosom of the ocean buried.
Was ever woman in this humour woo'd?
Was ever woman in this humour won?
I'll have her; but I will not keep her long.
What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet;
Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May.
O nuncle // Poor Tom's a cold
Get thee to a nunnery: why, wouldst thou be a
Breeder of sinners?
O, what a noble mind is here o'erthrown!
Et tu, Brute?
When shall we three meet again?
In thunder, lightning, or in rain?
When the hurlyburly's done,
When the battle's lost and won.
Till Birnam Wood do come to Dunsinane
But we in it shall be remembered.
We few, we happy few, we band of brothers;
Once more unto the breach, dear friends, once more;
Cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!'
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BROWN:
10p
or not 10p- that is the question.
Whether, with no Blair on my mind, I suffer
The swings and scandals of outrageous U-turns
Or use charm against a sea of Tories,
And by appeasing, bend them. Two fives. 10p.
10p! Perchance too steep? Ay, now I'm fucked.
For in that tax of stealth, what schemes may come-
When I have shuffled off to look for oil-
Must give us pause...Frailty thy name is Gordon.
Friends,
voters, Conservatives- lend me ideas!
Now
is the public and their discontent
A
serious bummer for this government*
And
all the pounds that flowered under Blair
In
the dark bosom of this last year buried
Were
ever voters in this humour woo'd?
Were
ever voters in this humour won?
I
had them, but I did not keep them long.
What's
in a year? That which we call the economy
This
time last year did smell so sweet.
Shall
I compare thee to Black Wednesday?
Thou
art less lovely and more desperate.
Rough
winds do shake Al Darling's budget day.
DARLING: O
Nuncle; Poor Al's a-cold
BROWN: Get
thee to the treasury;
Wouldst thou be a bleeder of tax-payers?
SMITH: O,
what a
Noble mind is here o'erthrown!
BROWN: Et
tu Jacqui?
When shall we three meet
anew?
In
Glasgow, Henley or in Crewe?
When
the by-election's done?
When
the battle's lost and won
Till Gordon Brown
returns to Dumfermline
But
we for shit shall be remembered;
We
few, we crappy few, we band of blunderers;
Once
more unto the banks, dear friends, once more; Cry
'God for Gordon, Scotland, and our jobs!'
They storm off.
(note: in 2006 Labour lost Dumfermline East
to Lib Dems and was seen as a huge disaster for Labour... apparently. Once back down in London, this was changed to 'Glenrothes' to reflect the next by-election)
*These two lines varied in performance; while Brown was on his summer break I used:
"Now are the splinters of my government
A serious bummer for my summer break"
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